God saved me to belive

Dear all,
weeks ago I back home and I was so happy to see my family after such a long time. I met all my brothers and sisters in Christ and I am so glad that they have been praying for me all the time. My dear friend Patty came home with me and she stayed here for about ten days. This helped me so much, she was really in God's plan: I was so scared to back home and feeling alone. God made a easier way for me. Many times I still feel so discouraged and sometimes I feel like I do not belong here anymore and there is not a place I can call home. This is actually good for me because it helps me to understand that the only place I really belong is where God is.
I always ask God why He showed me this way and sometimes I ask myself what could happen if I would say:- God, I am so honored to serve you but I do not want to do this.-
Well, God answerd: Job asked God what he did to get all what he get: sickness, sadness, sons' death... guess what? God never answered to this question but Job still said:- I know that you can do all things; no pupose of yours can be thwarted. ( job 42:2). So God did not really give Job a concrete answer but He gave him peace. It seems like God said Job:- Trust me, I am doing the perfect thing.-
Sometimes I feel like Job: why did God show me His way and now He is turning away? I see this when I think about it but when I believe I  trust God is doing the most perfect thing. I know God do not want me to think but He wants me to believe. I undesrtood this just yesterday when I read the fifth chapter of Esdras. God told the people of Judah to keep building the temple because this was His plan and when the king asked  them why they were rebuilding the temple they  answered:- We are the servants of the God of heaven and earth and we are rebuilding the temple that was built many years ago...-
I read this and in that moment my heart cried out:- God,it does not matter if everything around me is against me, I will trust what You say because You are clearly tellig me:- Keep trusting, do not stop following the way I showed you-
Since months I am waiting for the Lord to open a door somewhere so that I can serve Him on mission ministry. And I am praying for it because  He put this in my heart and even if I am not ready and this is not exactly what I would do, faith tells me to do what  God wants me to do. So I am waiting for God to answer to my prayers and some days it seems like His answer will never come and yesterday was one of those days but before I started to study, I asked God to remind me that His way, the way He showed me is the right one. God answered to my prayer, not practically but spiritually. This encouraged me so much.
What if I do not follow His way? I certainly would  follow my way which is not God's way so it would not be the right one.
If I think about it, I would say:- God, I do not want this kind of life, I do not want to give up on my desires, I do not want to build up my life on faith because there is nothing concrete.
Well by faith God tells me to trust a different thing, by faith I believe that God has a plan for me and it is fine if it is not the same of mine because I believe in God and not in myself. I have been saved to give up on my life, my desires, my plans to let God's will be done in me. It does not matter what the cost is, I am sure God knows what I need and He will give it to me because He cares of me.
Now I know for sure: reason will not give me any answer, but by faith I already get them all.

Prayer requests:

• may God give me patience  
• may God prepare me for what He wants me to do 
• may I trust Him in every moment 
• may I let His will be done in me 

Thanks.


God bless,
Cinzia.